Aunty Strange Brews Agony Column: If you've got and problem, and don't know where to turn, Auntie Strange Brew can help.
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Tuesday, 21 May 2019

Aunty Strange Brews Agony Column

Auty Strange Brew Agony Aunt

Ask Aunty Strange Brew

When there's something strange in your neighbourhood, or you're struggling with great power and responsibility, problems with the affairs of the heart? Or just cocked-up your latest spell. Ask Aunty Strange Brew.

(All correspondence will not be treated in the strictest confidence, but posted on the internet and social networks to be laughed at and ridiculed. I may even write a book about all your pathetic failures.)

Elf Problems

Dear Aunty Strange Brew.

You have been highly recommended by a good friend of mine whose name I won't mention (He who must not be named!) to help me in a matter regarding our staff! Or lack of! Our house elf having sodded off at the first opportunity and promise of a Versace jacket!

I come from an esteemed family and we have always had a creature around to do the work..but in these modern times of Elf rights etc...and a very popular film...we can't get one for hate nor zero money!

I really am a busy working witch with a family to bring up and just don't have time to apply dust and cobwebs everywhere and put skeletons into closets etc....Really Aunty...I need some help..the place is looking dreadful...like an abandoned film set without the cast...

Do you have the number of a disreputable type who would work all hours and get paid in abuse? The children are crying at night as there is no one to torment before bed.....and my husband has no one to kick! it's beyond the pale!

In desperation and misery

Morbidia Entrails.

---------------------------------~~~~~~~~~~----------------------------------

My Dearest Morbidia.....

I feel your pain...your agony.....your cobweb free house!

What a terrible situation..your poor family......That J.K has a lot to bloody well answer for!

Yes sweetie..of course I can help.

No pay...abuse...long hours...??? Can I suggest this place called The Job Centre? Modern employers go there in droves to secure a house slave nowadays.They are not quite Elves as we know it..(Those elves are too smart for their own good...been given ideas above their stations!And clothing!!!!!)

No these slaves are virtually ten to penny sweetie....will do as you bid...and say thankyou for the occasional boot up the rear! I have been told this in person by that Master Demon Clown of the Golden Arches fame...who peddles poison disguised as food and runs teams of slaves to serve it!( He is also great friends with that Wily Colonel from Hell...who has made an industry based on familiars who no longer serve their purpose! He fries them in 11 secret herbs and spices...it's magick!

But I digress....get one of your agents to put an advert in this 'Job Centre' place and 100's will flock to you to do your bidding ....and you may even get a Tax Break as a n extra bonus!

Apparently this is all done with the blessing of the Zombies who run the state of affairs now.....so you really are being a bastion of society!

I hope that helps....and in the meantime send my regards to Whatever His Name is Now! .....

May the dust settle on all your affairs to a miserable degree.

Your Ever living Aunty S.B xx

Aunty Strange Brews Agony Column Comments And Ratings

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Comments

Brilliant as ever.

Posted by: Ryewolf on 20/03/2015 14:10:00

 

Oh naughty aunty!

Posted by: welsh witch on 20/03/2015 20:01:00

 

brilliant and with cutting satire as ever.

Posted by: wychiewoman on 21/03/2015 12:36:00

 

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